


Safe

by cantdrawshaw



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mentions of Drink Spiking, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9930368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantdrawshaw/pseuds/cantdrawshaw
Summary: Maggie and Alex's date takes a wrong turn when Maggie thinks she recognizes someone from her past. Good thing she has such a caring girlfriend to save the day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for a graphic description of a panic attack, mentions of rape and drink spiking. If these are any of your triggers, please read with caution. I don't want to upset anyone. 
> 
> All errors are mine.

“Hah!” Maggie exclaims as she sinks her third shot in a row. The eight-ball makes a satisfying swish as it falls into the pocket.

It’s Friday night and Maggie and Alex are playing pool at the bar after going out for a romantic dinner at a restaurant that they’ve been longing to try out together. Maggie straightens and turns excitedly to the woman standing nearby, giving her one of her best grins. “I win! Pay up, Danvers.”

Alex lets out a little laugh, clearly amused by her girlfriend’s antics. “Nice try, hotshot. But I won the last four rounds. I’m not going to be the one paying."

Maggie doesn’t let the teasing logic ruin her high spirits. “I’m getting better, though. One of these days I’m going to beat you,” she promises, leaning in close to Alex.

“In your dreams, Sawyer.” Alex looks at her with such love in her eyes, and Maggie knows she should be used to it by now, but her heart still skips a beat anyway. Alex sets her cue down on the table. “You set up the rack again. I’m going to grab another drink. You want one?”

For once, Maggie declines the offer of alcohol. “Nah,” she says, her face serious. “I’m in the zone now. I need to focus.”

Alex laughs again before grabbing Maggie’s wrist and turning her so she can place a gentle kiss on Maggie’s lips. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Maggie smiles at her girlfriend’s back as Alex heads to the bar. Then she snaps herself out of her daze and goes about setting up their next game.

It had been a long week for both of them. Between her work at the department and Alex’s hectic schedule at the DEO, they hadn’t gotten to see each other as much as they had wanted. This date is what they both need, a perfect way to relax and start off the weekend.

Maggie’s just about to rack the last ball when her hand accidently knocks something off the edge of the table. She realizes it’s the little cube of chalk as she watches it roll quite a bit distance away. She scrambles to get it before somebody can step on it. Of course, she doesn’t believe in lucky charms, but it _had_ been the chalk she used the entire last game, and it certainly couldn’t hurt if she used it again, right?

Someone beats her to it, however, a body stooping down in front of her to pick it up. Maggie focuses in on the back of the man’s head. There’s something familiar about the shape of it that has her puzzling to place it. A split second is all it takes for her to remember, and recognition stabs her like a blade through the heart. Her breath hitches in her throat.

_It can’t be_ him, she thinks. _It just can’t be._

And the reality that it’s not is something that hardly registers in her brain as the stranger in front of her stands back up, holding the chalk out. “Here you go,” he says.

Maggie can’t force her body to respond. Her mouth opens as if she’s about to say something, but it just ends up hanging there as she freezes in place.

The man’s face crinkles in confusion and he gives her a look as if he’s wondering if she’s crazy. “You dropped this,” he tries again as if she wasn’t aware of what happened. He presses the chalk into her open palm and her fingers close around it like a vice. He gives her one last look as he backs away, hurrying to get away from her.

Maggie just stands there, a forgotten, but not unfamiliar, constriction working its way into her chest. She knows what happens next, knows that it’s probably not going to be pretty considering how long it’s been since the last time. She frantically tries to calm herself down before it can happen, but some part of her knows it’s too late.

  _It’s not him_ , she tries to tell herself. _It’s okay. It’s not him. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not –_

“Hey,” Alex says, coming up behind her. “Ready for our next round? What are you doing over here?”

The room starts to close in on her, and Maggie lets out a strangled gasp. The chalk falls from her fingers and she notices how badly her hands are shaking already. She needs to get out of there, and fast.

Alex immediately tenses. “Maggie?” she asks, concern laced in the voice. “What’s wrong?”

Alex reaches for her arm, and even though Maggie knows it’s her girlfriend that’s touching her – it’s Alex and Alex would never hurt her – all she can feel are _his_ hands, his hands all over her, and she flinches away as if she’s been burned.

A hurt look passes over Alex’s face, but Maggie can’t even process it as she feels her throat close up. She has to leave now before she makes a scene. Somehow, she manages to speak. “I need some air,” she says, addressing the space just to the left of Alex.

Alex rocks back on her heels. “Okay. Let’s go outside. Do you want to leave or do you want to come back in then?”

“No,” Maggie says. It comes out a lot harsher than she meant it. “You can’t – I need – Y-you stay here. I need to leave.” Her voice is shaking along with her whole body now and it’s taking everything she has to hold herself together.

She can’t even wait for Alex to respond before she’s pushing her way through people to get to the back door. Adrenaline is the only thing letting her move quickly, her desire to get away from all these people before she fully panics pushing her legs forward. Just as she reaches the door, she hears Alex call out, “Maggie! Wait!”

She lurches into the alley at the back entrance of the building, slamming the door shut behind her. It’s dark and she’s relieved to see that no one else is there. All of her thoughts are quickly consumed by her fear as she gasps for air, unable to draw a full breath into her lungs.  Her legs buckle beneath her and she sinks to the ground, drawing her knees up to her chest as the world tilts in front of her eyes.

She doesn’t know how long she stays like that until Alex finds her. Her girlfriend kneels next to her and looks at her with so much concern in her eyes and Maggie hates that she’s causing Alex to worry like this, hates that she’s ruining their perfect night with something she thought she’d long put behind her, hates that she feels like she is going to choke on her own fear and die right here and now.

Alex holds out her hands and says something, but the words are drowned out by Maggie’s breathing, which is harsh and choppy in her ears. Her heartbeat is also way too loud and she can feel tears streaming down her face. Alex puts her hand on Maggie’s arm hesitantly, as if she’s afraid Maggie’s going to recoil again.

Seeing that she isn’t going to, Alex shifts closer, pulling Maggie onto her lap. Finally gaining some control over her trembling limbs, Maggie latches one hand in the fabric of Alex’s shirt and the other finds one of Alex’s and she squeezes like it’s her only lifeline.

Maggie has no idea how long they stay in that position. It feels like an eternity, but she knows from prior experience that it’s probably only a handful of minutes. She’s aware that Alex is speaking to her, but she’s too busy trying not to die to understand exactly what she’s saying. The vibrations of Alex’s vocal cords become an anchor for her as she tries to regain control of her ragged heartbeat and breathing.

Eventually, she feels herself calming down a little and she loosens her hold on Alex’s fingers, slightly embarrassed by how tightly she’s been gripping. Alex rubs soothing circles on her back as she speaks softly. “I’m here, Maggie. You’re safe and I’m right here with you. Just keep breathing.”

Maggie lets out a little whimper in response and draws in a shaky breath, her lungs finally accepting the air. Her relief at gaining control of herself again doesn’t last long. Her stomach flips, forcing her to squeeze her eyes shut as the nausea grows alarmingly fast.

If this was any other time, she’d be able to fight it off. As it is, she barely has time to tear herself away from Alex before the bile rises in her throat.

She makes it a few feet away on her hands and knees before vomiting, disgusted as she feels some splatter onto her hands. Her fingers dig painfully into the cement. More tears leak from her eyes as she heaves again, and then Alex is there, pulling her hair out of the way and steadying her with a hand on her back. Alex reaches under her jacket collar and places her other hand on the back of Maggie’s neck, the cool touch providing a bit of relief on her overheating skin.

Maggie is torn between not wanting Alex to see her like this and being very glad that her girlfriend is there to help. She’s been taken advantage of too many times in the past, which is why she doesn’t like appearing weak in front of anyone. But it’s been a very long time since she had a panic attack to this degree. She’s forgotten how hard they can be to handle. She never had a choice but to handle them on her own in the past, but she’s let so many walls down since she met Alex, and now all she wants is for her girlfriend to help her through this.

When she finally stops dry-heaving, Maggie’s arms give way beneath her, causing her to sag towards the ground. Alex catches her before she can hit the cement, helping her move so that her head is against Alex’s shoulder, their legs splayed out in front of them.

“Maggie,” Alex says softly. Maggie looks up at Alex, who gives her a reassuring look. “Will you be all right by yourself for a few minutes? I want to get you some water.”

Maggie nods, not trusting her voice. Alex helps her scooch back until she’s leaning against one of the alley’s walls and presses a kiss to Maggie’s sweaty hairline before standing. As Alex heads back into the bar, Maggie is extremely grateful that her girlfriend hadn’t listened when she told her to stay inside.

She closes her eyes as she waits, trying not to think about how miserable she feels. Her chest, throat, and head all ache fiercely, and she can still feel the lingering queasiness in her stomach. The lightheadedness that she remembers all too well is also starting to kick in from her hyperventilating. With it comes the dread of having to explain what happened to Alex.

Maggie had once tried to confide about her past with a woman she was dating, and although the woman had been sympathetic at first, she had left Maggie shortly after, claiming she couldn’t be with a workaholic with so much “emotional baggage.”

Although Maggie hadn’t let that relationship get too serious, it had still hurt, and she isn’t sure her trust could take another blow like that. Especially from Alex. Maggie knows the way she feels about Alex isn’t something she’s felt for anyone in her entire life.

She trusts Alex with her whole life and heart, but she’s never gotten a positive response when she’s shared her secrets, so why should this time be any different?

Her fears are swirling so loudly inside her head that she doesn’t even hear Alex come back until she’s on the ground beside her again. She has a rag in one hand and a water bottle in the other and she loosens the cap on the latter before pressing it gently into Maggie’s hand.

“Sip it slowly, okay?” Alex tells her, using the cloth to wipe the sweat and tears from Maggie’s face. “You should feel a little better soon.”

Maggie does as she’s told, allowing her hands to be taken one at a time as Alex cleans them off as well. She drinks the bottle down and lets the water revive her a little.

Alex moves some hair from Maggie’s face and tucks it behind her ear. She gives her an encouraging smile. “How are you doing?” she asks.

Maggie shakes her head, not sure where to even begin to address the question. Instead, she looks into Alex’s eyes. “S-sorry,” she croaks, ashamed at how much her voice wavers.

Alex puts her hands on both sides of Maggie’s face, her expression serious. “You have nothing to apologize for, you hear me?”

 Maggie nods because she knows it wasn’t her fault, but she still feels bad about it anyway. Feels bad in general, honestly.

Alex moves her hands down to her shoulders, still providing the reassuring touch. “Do you feel well enough to move? I want to get you home. You should rest.”

Maggie licks her lips. “Yes, but…” she trails off. She’s terrified of being left alone right now. The anxiety hasn’t left her system completely and she’s not sure what will happen if she’s by herself. In the past, she dealt with it by going to the place she felt the safest, but she’s not sure where that is anymore. “Can I stay with you?” she finally asks.

“Of course you can,” Alex assures her. It had been their original plan to spend the night at Alex’s place anyway. “We’ll call a cab,” she continues. “Can you get up?”

With some added assistance, Maggie is able to stand slowly, aware of how dizzy she is. She allows Alex to take most of her weight as they make their way out to the street. Alex whistles as a taxi approaches their direction and helps Maggie inside before climbing in the other side. Maggie leans against her girlfriend’s shoulder and closes her eyes, completely spent by everything that’s happened.

The ride is a blur in her hazy mind and the next thing she knows, Alex is telling her softly that they’ve arrived and helping her from the car. She follows blindly up to Alex’s door and allows herself to be led to the bathroom, where she’s told to wait. Alex brings her some sweatpants and a t-shirt and instructs her to get ready for bed.

Maggie goes to the bathroom and washes her hands before slipping into the borrowed clothes. They’re slightly big on her, but the bagginess is a comfort in her exhausted state. She avoids looking in the mirror as she brushes her teeth with the toothbrush she keeps there. She’s afraid of what she’ll see in her face.

When she finishes up, she finds Alex in the living room straightening out a few things. Alex smiles when she hears the bathroom door open. Maggie heads to her and is immediately wrapped into a hug. She melts into the embrace for a while before she pulls back, wanting Alex to see her face. “You’re probably wondering what happened,” she starts.

Alex shakes her head, pulling her close again. “Shh. We don’t have to talk about that now. The important thing is that you’re all right.”

“I will be.” Maggie clears her throat, needing to sound confident. “I still want to tell you, Alex.”

“Okay. You know you can tell me anything you want. But we’re laying down first. I know your head is bothering you.”

And so Maggie follows her to her bed. Because Alex listens, and Alex knows, and Alex understands. Maggie doesn’t know how Alex will react after this, but she knows right then that it won’t be anything like the previous reactions she received. Alex is different and she cares so much and Maggie knows that she is safe. So she waits until Alex quickly changes and they’re both lying in bed wrapped in each other’s arms, and then she speaks.

She tells Alex about the party she went to shortly after she was kicked out of her parents' house, about the guy who wouldn’t leave her alone about being a lesbian, how he slipped something into her drink without her knowing until it was too late. Maggie tells her how she passed out and woke up in a strange room with him on top of her and how her clothes were missing and how hardly anyone believed her afterward. She explains about the panic attacks that had plagued her for a few years and how she thought she had finally gotten over them. Finally, she tells Alex in a quiet voice about the guy she ran into at the bar and how she had completely overreacted.

Alex doesn’t say a word the entire time, she just listens. She lets Maggie talk until she’s finished and then she gives her a few moments of silence to compose herself. She eases some hair from Maggie’s eyes and kisses her forehead.

“Thank you for telling me. That was probably very hard for you. You’re even stronger than I thought,” she says, something like disbelief in her voice.

A single tear makes it way down Maggie’s face at that, and Alex wipes it away with her thumb. “I’m not really,” Maggie whispers.

“Yes, you are,” Alex insists. “You may not feel like it now, but you’re one of the strongest people I know.” She chuckles, adding, “And I know a lot of strong people. That was very brave of you and I’m so proud of you, Mags.”

All of Maggie’s doubts fade away as she pulls herself closer to Alex. “Thank you,” she says. “For everything.”

“Anytime.” Alex stifles a yawn. “Now get some sleep. And if you need anything, I’m right here. Wake me up, okay?”

Maggie nods and closes her eyes for the final time that night. The physical and emotional roller coaster of the past few hours catches up to her and the exhaustion sinks deep into her bones. She falls asleep to Alex tenderly stroking her hair, humming a quiet melody under her breath. It’s one of the most peaceful nights she has in a long while.

And when she wakes up the next morning, Alex is still beside her. Alex is there and looking at her with such an adoring expression and asking how she’s feeling and Maggie knows in that instant that it’s here, here with Alex.

She’s finally found her safe place.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you for reading! If you made it this far, please hit the kudos button to give me some life. :)


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